You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
