Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
