seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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