She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
