i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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