Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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