I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
