There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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