I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
