I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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