so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
