wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
