Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
