His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
