last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
