The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
