this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
