Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
