Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
