True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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