Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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