We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
