If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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