I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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