Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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