we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
