Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm drive I can fine osifer
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
