just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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