Christians are straight up FREAKS
You can't special order awesome
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
