I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
