Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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