We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
