I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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