His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
