Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
