you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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