Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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