Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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