I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
