i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
