Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
