that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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