I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
