If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
