I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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