I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
