do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
