woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
