I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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