i jhust puked up my retainher.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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