dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
