I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You are the jesus of drinking
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
