Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
