Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
