I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
