So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
