Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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