how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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