somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
