All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Another day, another engagement, another cat
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
