Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
