Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
