why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You need a sexual gate keeper
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
